Bernie Sanders Is The Worst Presidential Candidate In History, And Also You And All Your Friends Are Idiots

Dear Bernie Sanders supporters: Wake the fuck up. Bernie Sanders

Sorry to be so blunt, however like every affordable American, I had been dBernie Sanders isgusted and appalled as America’s solution to V.I. LenBernie Sanders in continues to gain energy inside the polls. Your so-known as “populist” motion is a slap inside the face to the Democratic established order that has served us so nicely over the previous few a long time, and the idea of giving up at the concept of incremental development for this sort of essential exchange makes me need to vomit in the road. (In a bad community, not my very own.)

I don’t get it, men. I’m Bernie Sanders surely pressured right here. The mainstream media has completed a top notch process of displaying precisely why and the way Bernie’s candidacy is flawed, however for some reason, people gained’t pay attention to common sense.

My intent isn’t always to insult everybody, but I believe that Sanders’ constituency is made up entirely of aspirational nutjobs—often lazy, entitled, poor, indebted millennials—who don’t realize that our political selections must be primarily based on fear and cynicism. They want to get with this system, and fast. Maybe the Washington Post and New York Times screwed up by means of highlighting the idiotic nature of Bernie’s candidacy one problem at a time, but I received’t make that mistake. I’m going to list them all, object via object, and lay waste to this demanding communist and his dense apparatchiks once and for all.

As the Marxist messiah himself could say, sufficient is sufficient.

1. Bernie is NOT electable.

Jesus, how generally will we should repeat this earlier than it sticks for Bernie Sanders your stupid heads? And spare me the counter-arguments, due to the fact I already realize what you’re going to mention: Hillary Clinton has a miles worse approval rating, is loathed with the aid of Independents, couldn’t land a millennial voter Bernie Sanders if she turned into an anime model of Kanye West and Gangnam-styled across America, isn’t considered remotely sincere even by her circle of relatives, and is dropping in each hypothetical in shape-up in the standard election.

Let’s start with that closing one. First off, you know Hillary is going to benefit on the Republicans as soon as she gets beyond Bernie the Bolshevik, despite the fact that her complete history in presidential elections is a steady narrative of dwindling support. Second, just believe what’s going to show up to Bernie while the GOP attack machine starts stating to Americans that he’s likely a socialist. Once that happens, overlook about it. There’s no way he’s ever going to beat the Oompa Loompa model of Hitler—who is aware of as a good deal about governing because the useless rodent he wears on his head—or the non secular zealot who looks as if a shitty cool animated film of Bela Lugosi drawn on a deflated leather sack, or the actual malfunctioning robotic posing because the GOP’s Obama.

You can’t run a candidate with real integrity towards those men. Are you nuts? You want a real nitty-gritty dust-slinging spitfire like Hillary, who’s by some means considered even extra dishonest. She knows the ditch battle that wins elections. Because if there’s one issue that drives progressives to the poll box, it’s feeling disheartened through their very own candidate.

And I wouldn’t fear approximately millennial electorate both, even though they’re crucial to the birthday celebration’s widespread election achievement and are gleefully putting forward that they received’t guide every body but Bernie in November. Don’t sweat it. Hillary’s this near expertise what they’re all about. A few extra Vines like this one, and she or he’ll have that coveted adolescents demographic all locked up:

Hip kids love Bernie Sanders pandering infant boomers! Those godawful eighty five-15 under-30 splits from Iowa and New Hampshire are a issue of the beyond, child! Oppa Clinton style! Yasss kween!

2. Bernie’s promises are pie-in-the-sky.

Literally none of his so-called “democratic socialist” programs have ever been correctly implemented in any authorities in global history, besides for all of the other foremost international locations within the contemporary world, and additionally America all through our maximum rich duration.

three. Even if he changed into elected, he couldn’t bypass any of his law.

This is a surely important one. If there’s one message that must sink via your thick heads, it’s this: Cast your vote for the candidate who is familiar with Washington, D.C. because it definitely is, and no longer as you’d like it to be. Real exchange takes place for progressives when we decide on a centrist candidate who doesn’t represent our values in the first area, within the hopes that she makes concession after brutal concession to Republicans if you want to skip legislation that strengthens banks and pharmaceutical agencies and other monolithic institutions that make contributions to our bad wealth inequality.

One element you ought to never do is to vote for the candidate who represents what you want the united states of america to become, inside the wish that it’s the start of a technique main to an America we can be pleased with—one that protects and supports all its humans. That would be precisely the form of naive, starry-eyed mistake you and your Sandernista comrades are dumb enough to make. What you might do, in case you had any brains, is forget the large photograph absolutely, Bernie Sanders ask reductive questions like, “can Bernie Sanders immediately skip normal health care?” and, if the answer isn’t any, throw your vote to whichever compromised puppet the established order shoves down your throat.

In other phrases, rubes, concede. Concede pre-emptively. Concede now, tacitly admit that your united states of america is fucked past restore, and perhaps even skip the middle guy entirely through liquidating your belongings, collecting the coins, and leaving it all on your doorstep of Goldman Sachs before you screw off and die inside the streets.

4. After the Nevada win, Hillary has all the momentum.

I imply, simply appearance at her insane momentum, as represented by this graph of country wide polls from the past yr:

That ought to be masses of evidence, but in case you want greater, consider her resounding, emphatic win in Nevada, wherein she prevailed by means of 5 factors in a state she led by 37 ultimate July. I imply, are you able to get extra decisive than that? I assume now not. And in case you don’t trust me, simply read any mainstream political website online or watch cable TV. All of the ones outlets efficiently ignore the truth that the pledged delegate be counted is tied at fifty one—and that within the three number one states to date, Sanders leads the popular vote count—and reward Hillary’s newfound momentum. I don’t recognise what America you live in, however my usa is one in which media narratives dictate election winners.

“But Shane,” you whine, on your pathetic Sanders-loving voice, “the greater human beings study Bernie, the greater guide he gains, and Hillary’s trajectory looks precisely similar to in 2008, when her multiplied visibility caused a reputation plummet. Wouldn’t their respective styles simply come to be exaggerated in a trendy election, to the point that the handiest logical analysis offers Bernie a much higher danger of triumphing?”

Nice strive, but you forgot one element.

5. Hillary has an unbreakable firewall of Latino voters

We’ve been listening to about the firewall for months, and in Nevada, certain sufficient, the prophecy got here proper.

Did Hillary win the Latino vote decisively? No. Did she win it in any Bernie Sanders respect? No.

Nobody truely knows who came out on pinnacle, except that entrance polls say Bernie gained, and quite a few media outlets are actually rushing to muddy the waters. Even if she managed a tie, it’s some distance less than her margin of victory against Obama in 2008, when she also claimed that Hispanic voters gave her a firewall.

THE POINT IS, the firewall did its job. Think about it, dopes. If the firewall is on hearth, then guess what’s now not on hearth? That’s right: Everything past the firewall, something that is probably. The firewall is on fireplace, however it’s protective other stuff from being on fireplace. Why is this so hard in an effort to recognize?

6. Hillary has an unbreakable firewall of black supporters

Because when you and your husband systematically promote out a whole racial organization that counted on you as their handiest best friend, the least they could do is reward you with their timeless loyalty. All Sanders ever did turned into march with Martin Luther King Jr., lead protests against racial discrimination at the University of Chicago, and get dragged off through police for protesting segregation. But that all came about a long term in the past, and for a few motive the popular understanding is that none of it subjects anymore, so the logical response to this expired civil rights cred is to vote for Hillary, who spent her personal kids working for Barry Goldwater, a segregationist, and has been a on foot nightmare for America’s black populace ever given that. If you shut your eyes, it nearly makes experience.

7. She’s going to gain even more momentum by means of prevailing South Carolina

How are you able to ignore the singular importance of prevailing a liberal stronghold like South Carolina, where it handiest took them a hundred and fifty years to recognize that flying the Confederate flag at the State Capitol is probably in bad flavor? If that’s not a bellwether country, I don’t recognize what is!

eight. Every single Bernie Sanders supporter is a sexist and racist

Bernie Bros are a real factor, guys. If you haven’t examine the articles, get with it. There was this one person on Twitter who stated some thing exceptional approximately Hillary, and then a person strolling a fake GOP House of Representatives account said something sexist in response, and it spawned a chain of self-referential articles proving past a doubt thateveryone who helps Sanders is a rampaging misogynist, including the vast majority of young girls who pick him over Hillary. (All of whom, through the manner, joined the Sanders camp because they want to hang out with boys, and are certain for a special vicinity in hell once they die. Thanks, Gloria and Madeleine!)

Also, a number of the folks that obtained poor feedback from anonymous Twitter accounts have been no longer white, so his supporters also are racist.

One last essential point: When his male supporters try to have interaction in political dialogue with the goal of persuading others, it’s competitive mansplaining. And when his lady supporters do it, it’s aggressive womansplaining, or whitesplaining, or some thing. Basically, it all falls under the umbrella of “explaining,” that is outrageously offensive to all of us exercise his or her god-given right to live in ignorance.

9. Bernie Sanders himself is a sexist and a racist

There turned into that month-lengthy period in his campaign whilst he stated that shouting approximately gun problems wouldn’t result in real development, and then he said it inside the debate, and Hillary and her supporters correctly surmised that he’s a sexist who thinks women shouldn’t be allowed to talk at excessive volumes. Also according to Hillary: He doesn’t unilaterally help Barack Obama on every unmarried coverage like she’s decided to do inside the last month, so he’s a racist.

10. There is an excuse for all 348 of Hillary Clinton’s scandals

I turned into infuriated at Saturday Night Live’s Colin Jost, who had the audacity to funny story about Clinton’s so-referred to as “scandals” in a Weekend Update section. You can watch at the 1:26 mark within the video below:

There are factors for all of those, men. All of them. That goes for all destiny scandals, too. And even as I don’t have time to show that these are all just a collection of hilarious misunderstandings, and not indicative of a larger sample of corruption and dishonesty, I’d ask you just to agree with me that the Republicans may have enough class and reticence to let all of them slide within the fashionable election. Those guys wouldn’t stoop.

eleven. The manner Sanders has run his campaign proves he’s going to be a terrible president

Ezra Klein at Vox nailed this one: How can you trust a guy who has overcome a 60-point national deficit regardless of labeling himself a “democratic-socialist”—a time period that Bernie Sanders includes a slightly lower favorability rating than “repeat sex wrongdoer” in American subculture—at the same time as avoiding the stupid errors of his predecessors, raising fantastic amounts of cash, and locating himself at the verge of the most important upset in American political history? How can you believe a guy like that to run a rustic?

No thanks. Give me the candidate who can’t even set up an electronic mail server without triggering an FBI research.

12. Bernie Sanders is a single issue candidate

Hillary has definitely subsidized him into a corner with this point. Hey Bernie, why don’t you attempt broadening your horizons? Seriously, the best factor this guy cares about is the stupid economy, and the way it affects manufacturing, crime, drugs, fitness care, agriculture, weather trade, change, kids unemployment, immigration, electricity, real estate, banking, civil rights, race family members, poverty, education, crook justice, financial and corporate law, vote casting rights, same pay for women, countrywide infrastructure, social security, veterans’ rights, and, positive, overseas coverage too.

Sorry Bernie enthusiasts, however your guy is a simplistic dipshit.

13. Even his economic plans won’t work

Just ask the “left-leaning economists” the New York Times dredged up in its righteous, ongoing anti-Sanders crusade(at the same time as ignoring an amazing tide of contrary views and sparing Clinton the same rigorous exam). The fact is, with out absolute proof that Sanders’ rules can work—AND I DON’T JUST MEAN ALL THE SUCCESSFUL MODELS YOU BROUGHT UP BEFORE, INCLUDING THE AMERICAN ONE—we will’t recognise for positive that they’ll work, and if we don’t understand for positive, the only smart pass is to retain slogging beforehand on our sluggish middle magnificence demise march.

14. Last however now not least, a Sanders presidency could harm the treasured Democratic birthday celebration

Please study this brilliant insight from Dana Milbank at the Washington Post, who points out that Bernie Sanders hasn’t raised any cash for the Democratic Party, which would possibly hurt progressives in smaller races. This would be a extreme tragedy when you consider how successful the party has been for the reason that 2008 underneath DNC chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz. To date, they’ve best misplaced “69 House seats, 13 Senate seats, 910 kingdom legislative seats, 30 country legislative chambers and 11 governorships.” I imply, why stop throwing money into their coffers now??!? Clearly, the DNC and the birthday celebration elite have the pulse of the humans, and there’s no need for an immediate overhaul of a essentially failed system. You don’t exchange your horse midstream, mainly while that horse is stubbornly purpose on drowning itself.

I should move on, however hopefully you get the point. This is serious, and the very future of our country is at stake. Idealism is outstanding, and on some degree it’s cute that you’re fighting for some thing more than the awful political realities that have choked the coloration out of America. But it’s time to get real. It’s time to apprehend where you stay.

It’s time to surrender.

It’s time to give up. It’s time to give up. It’s time to surrender.

Repeat it 100 times. Find the rhythm to your heart. That’s the sound of our gradual procession to countrywide disintegrate, and the cease of a extraordinary experiment. Join us, idiots. Join us and perish.

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